Miles to go, before I sleep...

Promises.

It was 10:30 at night before I arrived home.

Zachery had been asleep for an hour-and-a-half. My wife was waiting for me, watching Law and Order on television and, knowing her, worrying slightly until I was home. Silly as it might sound, we do that - worry about one another, when the other one is working late.

I've been working late a lot lately, getting ready for an upcoming trade show at work, coming home either just prior to Zack's bedtime or, often, just afterward, missing our evening playtime. I had promised him that I would be home in time to play his new board game with him for tonight, but my work circumstances dictated otherwise and I had made the decision to work late....

I broke my promise to him.

I've broken promises to him before. Kids often have unrealistic expectations of how much control adults have over circumstances and events. To them time is a permeable, mallable thing, not the relentless eater of opportunity that it is when you work. They often just can't or won't perceive the limits on your choices.

Sometimes with your children you make promises very easily - to settle a problem, to elicit behavior, sometimes just to shut them up for five minutes... but does that mean you should be able to slough them off and break that promise?

I felt bad about not being home earlier to play with Zack. he had been upset and crying but his mother told me not to worry about it, that he would forget about it and that it wasn't a big deal. But I still wonder, if there is a cumulative effect - a trail of broken promises that can stain your relationship, minor though those promises might seem. I hate to have my son upset but, let's face it, when kids are tired, they can and do get upset if you look at them sideways.

Generally I try to keep my promises, but, right now work is overwhelmingly busy and, after 6 months unemployed last year, busy and paid is a welcome strain. I think that every parent breaks promises to their kids. It is a trade-off of the little promises and the big ones. You can't and won't break the promise to keep them safe, to keep them well, to always be there for them...even though, in the real world, events can occur that are well beyond your ken to control or understand.

Promises are well and good...but I have to make choices and one of those choices involves getting my job done at a critical time. I know it sounds trivial, but I've always been a believer that the little things count...particularly with my son. I just hope that making the decision to break a promise and forgo time with him doesn't become a habit. It needs to be an aberration, not a practice.

Comments are always welcome. You can reach me at dadchronicles(at)hotmail.com.